Still moving forward, life included.

October 26! Six months (almost to the day!) since my last blog offering. Thankfully, though, the adventure has continued in the interim. I continue to maintain a meditation practice which has improved my life in many unseen ways. Mostly, I’ve become more aware … or less unaware (there is a difference!) of my emotions. I’m beginning to recognize the triggers that set me off, or turn me on, as the case may be. I certainly haven’t abandoned my desire to have conscious out of body experiences, but I see now how important it is to emotionally prepare myself for the experience; to explore the world within before exploring the world without. (Or, perhaps, both explorations occur simultaneously. According to Seth, everything occurs simultaneously – the concepts of past and future are references constructed and maintained by humans.)

There was also a little mini-relationship squeezed in there … well, an attempt at one anyway. I met Kevin (not his real name) on a ski trip back in February. His opening sentences ended with a flirt – “You’ll just have to make it up to me.” And that was it. I was aflame. The intensity, though, was largely one-sided, and I couldn’t seem to catch myself from falling headlong into a pattern that was … well … not helpful. It is surprising, in hindsight, how intense those feelings were. I should be surprised that I was surprised – I’d had these feelings, and been in a similar situation, before. Like quite a few other things, and, I suspect, like quite a few other people, the idea of being in a relationship is wrapped up, tied and tangled up with my self-esteem. It was as though all my entire worth hung by a he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not thread. This time though, I was more aware than I’d been before. Although I couldn’t seem to stop myself, I could tell that I was running pell-mell toward the edge. Meditation was the only activity during which I regained a sense of emotional decorum, which, I think now, spilled over in drips into my waking life. The last time (my relationship with Sam), I did fling myself over the edge, and blindly free-falled into god knows where - a place where suicide seemed particularly seductive. Then, I was long past the fear of death, and long past thoughts of cosmic punishment. I had ventured further into the ‘when and where and how’ (I would do it). This time, although I had again gone past the edge, and had again fallen, like a weird Alice in Wonderland, I was able to make out the rocks as I rushed past. “Look! There’s a nice granite. Ooh! Obsidian!” That level of awareness, I’m guessing, is the result, and the benefit, of the collective hours I’ve spent meditating. Those hours literally saved my life, and restored equilibrium.

So life continues post-Kevin, and although the experience begins to take on the bluish hue of objects on the horizon of time, its effects remain, and will remain: I’m changed ... for the better, I think.

So! Back to this out-of-body business!

The delayed Adventure continues

Well, I haven’t written anything about my progress with Astral Projection in … what … 10 weeks? I’m actually still doing the exercises from Week 1 Day 1 (which would make this Week 1, Day 1, Week 10?). It turns out that this adventure has uncovered many other issues that are worthy of a detour. The main one: a relaxed body is the first prerequisite for achieving any kind of conscious astral state, and a chronically angry or perpetually irritated person’s body is not very relaxed.

I figured that I would extend the 90 days to however-long-it-takes, and begin meditating on a more regular basis, and relaxing/destressing in general, in order to allow myself to become a more relaxed person. Although the phrase is a bit hackneyed, the joy really is in the journey; the real meat of this is in the preparation - in the journey from a person prone to stressing out to a more relaxed person. I would prefer that any astral experiences I might have happen naturally and easily, rather than forcibly only in order to achieve an end.

Habitually, I fall asleep in front of the TV, so I don't prepare myself for sleep in any conscious way. Added to which, my sleep cycles are a bit erratic – some nights I sleep 6 hours, some others 4, some others hardly any hours at all – which is probably the result of a constantly-churning mind. It seems prudent to begin to  spend time during the day deliberately ‘letting go,’ either in meditation or simple deep breaths. Since I started this addventure in January, I have been meditating more frequently. I usually wake up on the sofa from my television-induced stupor around 2:30 or so in the morning, and I move to the bedroom and meditate for about 90 minutes.

Then I thought I would take the whole thing up a notch. Starting today, I’m putting myself on a television fast – 30 days at first, which should take me to April 20. I’ll use the time that I would have normally spent staring at the television, or having it staring at me, to read something useful or inspiring. I have quite a few books on my to-read list so there should be no want of something to do.

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The first day of my television fast was not entirely successful. Taking advantage of a little loophole I created in my definition – watching DVDs is okay, since, it’s not really television – I put on the a DVD of Glenda Jackson’s Elizabeth R. The result was that I fell asleep while watching it and awoke at 12:47 in the morning with the tune from the opening flash screen insinuating itself into my dreams. I got up off the sofa and went to bed (sounds familiar?), and then spent the second, mostly sleepless night in a row.

So, with the exception of anything spiritual or uplifting (and historical dramas usually aren’t either), no TV … at all.

What am I trying accomplish? A shift in my vibration; an improved default feeling. I believe that it is entirely possible to feel joy in every moment, and the only thing that prevents me from experiencing that are awful feelings that I've accumulated in my 43 years so far. How could I induce a feeling of joy right now?

Well, what are some of the things on my Want-To-Have List - my 30-day trip to the Antarctic is one which, by itself, represents many other things on my list as well. How would I feel that first day as I leave for the airport? How would I feel on the day I book the trip? How would I feel as I start planning? How would I feel as all the required things that would make this trip pleasurable begin falling into place? How would I feel on seeing the first ice shelf, or on seeing the aurora australis or the Midnight Sun for the first time? All of those feelings are available to me right now via my imagination.

I am beginning to wonder whether the concepts of past, present, and future will become irrelevant at some point in the future. In the larger reality, there is only one time: NOW. Whatever I think of – whether it’s a past event, or a present situation, or a future projection – I’m thinking of it now, and activating feelings and other thoughts, and other feelings about that past, present, or future now. Suppose that all the moments of my life – my entire past, my present, and my entire future – were occurring now, in this moment, in infinite parallel realities, and I, by my intention and attention, could activate any one of an infinite number of possible now’s. Could it be that in a parallel reality, I am, at this moment, on the Antarctic trip enjoying every moment of it, and could I, by thinking of that particular reality, bring myself to that reality that is already existing?

I’ve already noticed little changes since I’ve been meditating and ‘letting go.’ Last night while I lay sleepless in bed, memories upon memories from my childhood floated up, mostly unpleasant, that have probably been churning away for years and years. As best I could, I released them as they came into my conscious mind. I’ve been using my mantra a lot – I created this, and it’s okay. I believe that releasing these memories is also going to release so much energy - energy that I've been using to keep them churning - and I’m going to be able to use this energy to create wellness in every area of my life.

According to Abraham, quantam shifts aren’t possible. Shifts happen in the small steps that we take from one NOW to the next. How am I feeling now? Is there any unpleasant thought that I’m holding on to for whatever reason? Can I let it go? Is there any vague negative feeling that I can’t really articulate, but can feel? Can I breathe into it? Can I imagine the negative feeling beginning to dissipate like a mist? Is it still there? Is it less or more? Am I worried about not being able to articulate it? Can I accept that I don’t have to put it into words to begin to let it go? Can I accept that I can use my imagination to visualize the wind of my breath breaking up this dark cloud of emotion? Can I accept that whatever I can do with this emotion today is enough, and that I’m really on my way to figuring this out, and mastering this? Can I accept that everything’s alright?

Across the room by way of India

So I've reneged on my promise to my reading partner to read the Week One segment of MAP90, but something interesting happened this morning ... actually just a few moments ago ... that seems astrally significant. I thought it was worth retelling.I should probably start at the beginning.

I awoke way too early this morning to the sound of my upstairs neighbor moving about her apartment in her high-heeled shoes. I lay there half boiling in fury, and half trying to calm down. This went on for about an hour before I decided to get up off the sofa where I'd spent the previous night and move to the bedroom. I keep a little box of Hearos earplugs near my bed, and they've really helped me in those times when my dear neighbor decides that she's going to put on her klompen and dance an Irish jig in the middle of the night. But I'm digressing.

As I lay in bed early this morning, ear plugs snugly tucked into my ears, I began to mull over something that I'd read the night before. In Soul Journeys, Rosalind McKnight suggests that every human being has access to more assistance from the invisible world than we realize. In this book, she recounts having taken many journeys into the afterlife, and having met some of the guides that have been with her since her birth. The thing about assistance, though, I was thinking, is that you have to accept it. How do we accept help from these unseen hands? By intention, my instinct tells me - by simply deciding to accept help, we begin to set things in motion that are our physical senses are not equipped to perceive. We also begin to physically relax. Believing that help is on the way, or visualizing that we are being helped, immediately begins to shift our focus from the problem to something else. As our focus shifts from an unpleasant topic to a more pleasant one, we begin to release tension in our bodies, and the energy that makes up our bodies is able to flow more freely.

I know that I'm going across the room by way of India here, but bear with me.

As I lay there, focusing less on being disturbed (granted, with the help of the earplugs), and focusing more on being helped, I felt my body relaxing more and more deeply. Then I became aware of a tingling sensation in different points of my body at different times - sometimes it was my fingers, or my toes, or the left side of my chest. I also began to feel a slight warmth on my left side. After about an hour, I rolled on to my right side and went into a drowsy semi-sleep. That's when I noticed my body really starting to tingle. I also had the sensation that I was moving through a lighted train tunnel - whenever I passed a light, a wave of ... something would pass through me - something that I could feel and see and hear. It sounded like wind. I thought to myself, I must be having some kind of astral incident, but I haven't read Week One! What do I do? I decided to try to calm down and let whatever was happening happen.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was sitting in an office with Bob, the CEO of our company (this is the third time he's appeared in my dreams this week!). I didn't notice (or can't remember) what he was wearing this time, but we were sitting on opposite ends of a large wooden desk. I was preparing to teach a biology class, and I was discussing the lesson with him, and asking him for a syllabus of some kind (no, I'm not a teacher in real life). As I was leaving the office, one of the vice presidents was walking in with an I'm-about-to-get-fired-I-know-it look on her face. I walked off toward my desk which was near a window (there was light coming in) when I realized that I still had a pen that I'd picked up from the office, and that it was broken.

The dream scene changed. I was laying down on a low bed like a futon or something in semi-darkness - there was a subdued sunlight coming in from the other room. There was a red pillow under my head (or a pillow in a red pillowcase). My arms were hanging off the sides of the bed onto the carpeted floor, and there was a bunch of keys in my right hand. Three cats walked into the room - two adults, one white, one black, and a very frisky mottle-colored kitten. The adult black cat went under the bed and was trying to play with my hand (or the keys?), and I remember making a fist to prevent him from scratching me (or getting the keys). The kitten was playing with a large, red, open, empty duffel bag that was laying on the floor - running in and out of it, and having a gay old time. The white cat jumped up onto the bed with me, and came onto the red pillow and lay down across my arm. She (or he) came right up to my face, and I could feel her breath and the moist coldness of her nose on my face. In the dream I thought, Are these spirits? And I woke up.

Mini astral event or not? Okay, Bernie. I'm reading Week One today.

Dreams and things

One part of the experience of a successful OBE is remembering dreams. I've always had very vivid dreams, and very detailed memories of them. I believe that dreams are a significant indicator of our emotional/vibrational state, and I thought that I would recount my dreams here as part of this journey. Here're some details from last night's. I would welcome an interpretation from anyone who feels moved to respond.


"I am sitting in a full classroom with a female instructor, and all male students. The walls are green, and although the classroom has wndows, there's a slightly dark quality to it. The subject is some kind of social science, and the teacher is commenting on what she perceives as an imbalance between men and women in the world of cartoon superheroes. 'Superheroes are always men,' she is saying. 'Their bodies are always sinewy and masculine.' Some students in the class are booing her comments. Interestingly enough, she is dressed in a very close-fitting rusty red body suit and her body is extremely muscular. She begins to walk around the classroom while she's speaking, and comes to stand near where I'm sitting, at the far end of the classroom. She begins to look directly at me while she continues to teach the class.


The scene changes to the instructor's house. She is making preparations for a party, and I'm helping. The walls are beige, and there is a lot of light flowing through the room I'm in. She asks me to take something that she's prepared out of the fridge(?), and take it to an oven that's located somewhere outside. I open the fridge(?) and take two large trays of what looks like cut cauliflower sebments with cheese sprinkled on top. As I'm taking the trays outside, one of them tilts and the contents fall to the ground. I yell out, "Oh crap!" The host/instrcutor doesn't seem too bothered by it. I follow her up a path to the oven. On the way, I see the CEO of the company I currently work for (in real life) walking ahead of us in a bright green shirt with silvery gold embroidery all over it. (This is the second time this week that I've dreamt about him). He disappears ahead of us and we continue up the garden path to the oven. We put the one tray - the one that I didn't spill - and take out a gourmet looking pizza that had been cooking in there. It was covered with what looked like olives, herbs, and roasted tomatoes.


We make our way back down to the house and I begin to pick up the cauliflower - that has now changed to chicken - from off the ground where I spilled it. I managed to "save" enough to fill another tray. The rest of what's on the ground is covered in bright red flies. They are buzzing and landing on everything, even the pizza we just took out of the oven. I get that uncomfortable itchy/scratchy feeling when I'm around swarming insects, but the instructor/host isn't bothered by them at all. I offer to clean up the mess, but there's already someone else doing that. and it's all gone almost instantly. The guests start arriving. There's one man, tall, brown-haired with a beard. a bit broadly built, and a bit dishevelled, with whom I share an uncomfortable glance."


The dream got fuzzy at this point, and I woke up shortly afterward.

Astral Projection in 90 Days (or More)

Bought Bruce & Mercer's Mastering Astral Projection in 90 Days. Day One is tomorrow.

I've been interested in astral projection since I was a kid, after reading You Forever by T. Lobsang Rampa, although I've never really made any serious sustained attempt at having an OBE. Here's my first real attempt.