Thursday, April 28, 2011

Dreams: April 28

Was in a living room - might have been my deceased grandmother's house, but not sure - with other people, including my eldest uncle, Roderick. Ruth, a former friend of my mother's, entered the room. She was emotionally/mentally unstable. (Ruth has had a history of unstability in waking life. There is also a past episode invvolving her and this particular uncle.) My uncle Roderick began to undress himself in order to deal (exorcise?) with the situation. The room was darkly lit - like late evening. My uncle took off items of clothing and handed them to me - his shirt, his pants, his jewelry - he handed me gold chain with a three-cross pendant. I wondered about the three crosses. The chain was solid gold and very heavy. Soon he was butt naked with his back to me, facing Ruth.

I was in an apartment building that seemed familiar. It might have been the building where I currently live, but it was quite different. My upstairs neighbor had some kind of a leak, and I could see the paint on the ceiling of my apartment beginning to swell. I put my hand on the wall, and I could feel the water running under the paint. She came to the door, and we started talking. She seemed to be headed out somewhere - she was well dressed. After she left, I went upstairs to another apartment which was really large, with very modern stainless steel fixtures. The apartment was so large that I couldn't see the end of it - it wrapped around other apartments in the building in an L- shape. I went to use the bathroom which was also very luxurious. I was sitting on the toilet remarking to myself how nice everything looked.

Monday, April 18, 2011

What do I want?

I was talking on the phone to Hall from the SETH group today, and he asked me the following question: what would make me happy? And it set me to thinking. What WOULD make me happy? What do I want? If I could do anything with my life, what would it be? I saw the movie Limitless yesterday, and it was a reminder that Life is really wide open. We're so used to thinking along particular lines that we don't really consider that there might be another way of seeing things. We dismiss out of hand anything that does not make immediate rational sense. But, we can only be rational about what we know, and there's far too much about the Universe, Life, our own bodies, that we don't know to rely so heavily on rational thinking. It just won't get us very far. And then we'll die, and that'll be it. What would we have done? Spent our whole life thinking that this was all there is. It seems like a dreadful waste.

What does the Limitless Me look like? If I could turn on every now-latent capacity and talent I possess, what would my life be like? What would I be doing? If I were confident that the Universe backs me up at every step, what would I do? What does that even mean? The truth is that we don't know how our bodies function from moment to moment. We don't know what keeps our hearts beating, or what keeps the myriad processes that it takes to keep a human body alive going? We live by faith already from one moment to the next. Could we take that faith even further; how much further? How far will faith carry us?

When I asked myself the question: what do I want, here's what I came up with:

To be in a position, physically, mentally, and financially, to determine the direction of my life;

To have an experience of life from a much broader perspective;

To write or tell stories like Limitless that leave us wondering how much more we can be or do;

To have an opportunity to be in the company and to listen to the words of a wise person;

To experience the beauty of the natural world, and to capture as much of it as I can;

To perform from the depths of my being;

To believe that there are available solutions to every problem.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Dream: April 12/13

I was singing in a choir - getting ready to perform the Messiah. We were rehearsing in what seemed to be a narrow room, all standing, all wearing black. One of the girls in the choir was near the back of the group, leaning against a wall, sleeping. Another person directly in front of me was talking while were singing. The conductor told them both, and a third person who I couldn't see, that they would not be participating with the choir at this performance.

I was at work, and was heading out to purchase West Indian food at a particular place on Madison and 33rd Street (there is no such place in real life). I could visualize in my mind, the cook preparing ochroe and rice, and my mouth was watering on the way there. I took a very strange route. I went all the way to the east side, walked uptown, and then made my way west again, all the while having this cooking vision in my head. I was able to see the street that I was on, as well as the place that I was heading to very clearly - one as clearly as the other.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dream: April 11

Judiette C. and I are standing on a corner a block away from the building in which we work. It’s dark and the streets are deserted. As we stand there talking, it begins to feel less and less safe. We see a man coming up the block, and we decide to go inside. We begin to walk the length of the block back to the office and we break into a run. There was light on the corner on which we were standing, but it’s dark along the way back to the office. We get to the building entrance where it’s light again. The entrance is all glass, and there’re a lot of people milling about. I overhear someone complaining about the heat. I think to myself that it’s 52 degrees, and not hot at all. At the bottom of a staircase near the entrance, I see Winfield L. talking to a woman. I get the impression that he’s interested in her. She looks older, and she’s carrying a baby in a carry-carriage. She’s wearing a white shirt and a black skirt. As I’m going up the stairs, she looks at me looking back at her, while Winfield is talking to her. Winfield sees me, but does not acknowledge me at all. I continue up the staircase which seems to be suspended in midair. Everything is well lit and modern. On the way up the stairs, I see Christine L. on a landing below. She sees me, gives me a curt nod, and turns away. At the top of the staircase, there’s a very small office. It’s locked but I have the key. As I open it, another man comes in dressed in a suit and tie. He makes a comment about the heat, and I tell him that I don’t it’s hot at all – it’s only 52 degrees.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

"Television is the enemy of the spiritual life."

I've heard this statement made from time to time, and have had various reactions to it - from scoffing to wondering. In the past week, I've noticed that, although I have memories of the dreams that I've had, they're only bits and pieces - nothing, it seems to me, worth writing down. I've also noticed that I'd given myself over to the TV a bit more than before. I fell asleep watching television just about every night. So this week, I'd like to try not watching television at all to see whether or not it would make a difference in the clarity and volume of my dream memory. It's Sunday night, April 10. Let's call this Night One. Wish me luck! :-)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dream: April 4/5

I was with my godmother in her home, but not the home I remember. There was clutter, but we weren’t uncomfortable. We were in the kitchen. There was a table in the center of the room, and lots of stuff all round. The table was covered also. We were looking forward to talking with each other. I was glad to be there. The room was dark when we entered. I turned on the lamp that was on the table, and sat down. She started getting dressed for church. She was very involved at the church, and it was very important to her. She was a very wealthy woman, and everyone knew it, but she dressed and lived very simply. As I watched her getting dressed, I thought that she had a really nice body for her age.

I am in the body of someone standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean. The person is considering jumping. I foresee where the person will land if he jumps – he’ll die – and I try to convince him to jump from another spot. I see another person jumping from that spot (the safe spot), and land safely in the ocean.

My mother, my aunt, my cousin and I are standing in the front yard of a house. There’re a lot of plants and trees in the yard – no grass, only dirt on the ground. My aunt is sweeping the dirt and fallen leaves away. She is laughing while she sweeps. We’re all having a conversation while she continues sweeping.

I am in the front porch of the house I grew up in. My father just yelled at my for using his calligraphy pens, and I yelled back, telling him that I would buy him new pens. I go out to the front porch. As I'm there, Curt J. and Quentin are walking by on the road in front of the house. I don't quite recognize them at first, but eventually realize who they are. We wave at each other, and they continue walking at first. After a few steps they turn back and start walking toward the house. I walk down the front steps to meet them at the gate. They come right in, and I tell them to be careful of the dog. Jeffrey, the dog from my childhood, comes running from the back of the house. They're not frightened of him, and he doesn't threaten them. We're standing together at the front gate, talking. Curt asks, "So what are you doing now?" "I live in New York as you know, I resigned my church job in 2009," I tell him, "and I guess I'm on a bit of a hiatus." I'm looking up at the front of the house while I'm talking to Curt and Quentin.It looks the way it did when we first moved in when I was seven years old. The house is painted a greenish off-white, but there's something reddish about the color.

I'm sitting at an organ bench, thinking that I'm ready to have another church job.