Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dreams: March 29

At a tennis match. I’m on one side of the court. Bright early afternoon. Monica Seles is playing, but I’m switching vantages between spectator, camera, and Monica. I also hear the ubiquitous mumblings of the commentators in the background. The court is deep green, and she’s wearing white – everyone seems to be wearing white. As Monica, I feel the tension of the match. I don’t have a clear picture of the opponent; I am mainly concentrating on getting the ball over the net.

I’m in a bed with J. It’s morning. We’re just getting up. At one point he rolls over to my side of the bed, and I’m a little cramped for space. He says that he forgot that I was there. I get up to brush my teeth. The toothpaste is black. I show him, but he doesn’t take much notice.

In a well-lit bathroom with Fr. Harold L., and his wife. I want to go out of the bathroom to get some water, but something or someone is preventing me. Harold’s wife gets the water for me. I can leave the bathroom now, and go out.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Dreams: March 28

I was dead. I saw my decaying corpse lying on a bed white light colored sheets. I was going to re-inhabit this corpse and be alive again in it. There were others around me helping me, telling me what to do. I entered the corpse, and looked up from the face of the corpse. The eyeballs were put in my mouth, and a wave of nausea rose and subsided. Then I was dancing in the corridor of my grandparents’ house. The dance was part of the process. One of the helpers was dancing with me. We ended the dance with me in a handstand, and the helper balancing on the soles of my upturned feet. We were both exhilarated. There was applause. It was morning, and we were facing east.

I am standing on the banks of a river that is beginning to overflow its banks. I can see each ebb and flow rising. I feel as though I have to warn people. Four or five girls come to the banks of the river. There’re wearing brightly colored flowing clothes, and carrying fish nets which are also brightly colored. They move toward the river as I move away from it. There are a lot of fallen branches near the bank, and I walk on them to avoid getting my feet wet. I eventually find myself high up a tree, not knowing how to get down. I’m getting anxious. I’m afraid to move lest I misstep and fall. One of the girls from below yells something to me, and I start calming down. The branch that I’m on isn’t that high after all, and I jump off and land safely on the ground.

Snippets: Eating a meal with Uncle C. and others. I’m trying to warm up the food that’s already laid out on a table, by lighting small fires with a match on the underside of the table under the plates. That varnish on the underside begins to swell, and I put out the match.

A group of us are in San Fernando at the bottom of High Street, just getting back from a trip. I’m supposed to be carrying three bags, but I keep forgetting one of them in the trunk of the car. Twice I run after the car to retrieve the bag. I ask the driver where he’s headed in the hope that he can take us where we need to go. He’s not able to. He’s an older white man with a beard and a round face.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Dreams: March 27

At a convention of Trappist monks. I’m not a Trappist, but I’m dressed like one. There’re a couple hundred of them entering the hall where the meeting is to take place. There’s a sea of heads over black scapulas . The head of the Order is a woman who is dressed in civilian clothes. The monks are seated on the stage of the hall which is lighted. The woman is addressing people (an audience) in the hall with monks seated behind her on the lighted stage. I am walking down a side aisle to my seat among the people in my ‘robes.’

In a restaurant/diner with friends. We’ve just finished eating and were heading out to a haunted type place somewhere nearby. I’m trying to decide whether or not to wear my jacket. There’s a lesbian couple sitting in the lobby, chatting while they wait for a table. One of the women has short black hair, and is wearing a denim shirt and jeans. I think the other is wearing a dress. I ask the maitre’d if I can leave my jacket at the restaurant and pick it up later on. She asks me how far I’ll be going, and I tell her about the haunted type place. The denim girl says that she wouldn’t mind watching my jacket if I put it right next to hers in the closet, but she also says that it’s too chilly outside and that I should take my jacket. So I reach into the closet which is right there and take my jacket out. I notice a sports jacket and a tie hanging up in the closet, and know that they belong to the denim girl. I imagine her wearing the jacket and tie over her denim shirt and think that it’s a good combination. I go leave the restaurant, and look for my friends. They should have been waiting for me outside the restaurant, but I don’t see them anywhere. I walk in the direction of the haunted type place, but there’re nowhere to be seen, and I’m getting lost and upset. I take out my cellphone and try to call Richard R. I find his name in my contact list and click on it. My cellphone displays texting instructions instead of the number. I continue to walk around in the hope that I might see my friends, and come to a street with a lot of activity. On the right side of the street are a small crowd gathered outside a store around an artist apparently completing a painting right in front of them. It’s an abstract with red, white, and blue. There’s a white swoop in the middle of the picture – the red’s at the bottom, and the blue’s at the top. The painting has a very intricate texture to it. I wonder how he did that. Across the street from the painter’s crowd is a tavern. I go in, but not all the way. It’s pretty loud. Behind me, entering the tavern, is Scott M. wearing a white cassock. We talk for a minute or so as he’s standing near a door with a few other people. It’s a room that patrons of the tavern can book for a few hours to have sex. It’s currently booked from 5:00PM to 9:00PM, and the people at the door are waiting to use it. The door opens, and an older gentleman walks out. Everyone, including me, is curious to see who he was in the room with, but he slides, embarrassed-looking, out the door, closing it behind him so that we can’t see. I try calling Richard R. again. The phone rings and I get an answering service. It’s not Richard’s voice, but a woman’s. I realize that Richard’s mother is using this number for her business contact. The message is pretty haphazard. She doesn’t seem to know how to leave an outgoing message. I hear her husband in the background giving her instructions. I hang up without leaving a message.

At St. Thomas, about to play for the wedding of a priest-to-be and her husband-to-be. The wedding is taking place after dark, but the church is well-lit, and filled with people. The wedding party is getting ready for the procession. I see a bridesmaid in a green dress near the door. I tell the bride that I’ll be playing one tune for her attendants and another for her. I go up to the organ and begin playing The Prince of Denmark March, and then the Mendelssohn’s Bridal March. I somehow realize that the bride didn’t want the Mendelssohn played, but I’ve already started and have to continue. Someone shows me a program while I’m playing, and there’s a tune listed there that I don’t know. The bride is now at the altar, dressed in a chasuble instead of a bridal gown. At the Our Father, she asks the officiant if she can lead the prayer instead. She turns toward the congregation, and, somewhat haltingly, she leads the congregation in repeating the Our Father. The chasuble is gold-colored, and she’s wearing her hair in dread locks. She has glasses. She looks like one of my neighbors.

On a New York Subway car with a few people. Where we’re coming from, or going to is not brought up in the dream. There’re a couple of guys also sitting in the car who know one of the guys in my crowd. There’s some romantic interest between the guy that they know and me. He’s disabled, but not visibly. We were sitting opposite each other, but he’s now sitting next to me. I’m notice his legs through the jeans he’s wearing – they’re a bit thin, but not much thinner than mine.

Snippet of a dream: We have an early class on Friday, and the friend who normally picks me up is taking a disabled person to class that day. I’m trying to figure out another way to get to class.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Dreams: March 25/26

At a university. We’re all surgical students. Our assistants are gerbils, or some other rodent-like animal. We’re supposed to operate on a dog for our final grade. I haven’t completed this part. My gerbil assistant also had to have a surgical procedure, but he seems to be healing nicely. He chatting with the other gerbil assistants before the final class begins. The class is taking place in a wooden auditorium that looks old, but not decrepit, and is well-lit.

Planning a graduation ceremony at a university. The ceremony is supposed to take place in a wooden auditorium that is darkly-lit. The organizers realize that there is enough room in the auditorium to have the ceremony and the dinner afterwards, so one of them asks me for a suggestion. The main school building has four cathedral-like towers around a quadrangle. One of the towers is incomplete – the outer structure is built, but the inner rooms have not yet been constructed. Another of them houses a very valuable object that the university owns, and only authorized persons are allowed there. A third tower contains a very nice library in a well-lit pink room. I suggest moving the desk and chairs away and having the dinner in the library. We were having this discussion while walking in an outer courtyard, looking up at the four towers. It is a beautiful day.

Gemell D. and I are going to the movies. We’ve just left a restaurant and are walking to the theatre – up a steep hill to a main road. We get to the theatre the front of which looks like a gas station. The line for this movie is out the door, but I’ve already bought tickets. We decide to get some snacks to take in to the movie. I get fried channa, a hot dog, and an apple juice. I’m about to pay for our snacks when I realize that I don’t have my wallet. I’ve left it at the restaurant. I start getting frantic. Gemell says, ‘Chile, I’ll be watching the movie. I’ll save you a spot,’ and walks in. I run out of the theater and try to get a cab to take me to the restaurant and bring me back. I get one that’s just turned into the theater car park, and we head back. As we turn back onto the main road, I think, ‘Wouldn’t it be great if, in addition to deactivating cards when we lose our wallets, we could also deactivate the money so that no one else can use it?’ I ask him how much it’s going to cost – he tells me $34.50. I think, ‘$35.00?? It’s not that far. That’s kinda high.’ I don’t say anything – I’ve decided that getting my wallet back is more important than quibbling over a taxi fare. As we driving along the main road, we a horse race ahead of us moving in our direction. We could see by the hooves of the horses that they’re moving really fast. It looks like we’re going to drive right through the race. We try to avoid some of the horses, but can’t avoid others – some are getting hit by other cars. We pass a few stunned looking jockeys on our way. As we're driving, we ‘re headed straight for a small group of horses – we just can’t avoid them. As we get close, the horses and their riders jump over the car and land safely on the other side. We manage to get through the race without hitting anyone. We arrive at the restaurant which looks exactly like the movie theatre. I run in, and one of the waiters recognizes me. The look on his face says, ‘Ah! He came back for his wallet,’ which fills me with relief. The waiter reaches into the cafeteria (which looks exactly like the cafeteria at the movie theatre), takes the wallet from the place they’ve been keeping it, and hands it to me. “There wasn’t any money in it,” he says. He has a sheepish look on his face, and I realize that he’s kidding. I’m back in the cab and we’re heading back to the theatre. The money that I have in the wallet just covers the cab fare – including the tip.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Dreams: March 24/25

I woke up pretty early this morning, but couldn't remember any dreams - rare for me, but it happens. Then I fell asleep again and had these:

Talking to Jennifer C. on the phone. She was telling me that my transfer request had been approved, and that I was scheduled to fly to Seattle to meet the new team and then back to Buffalo where I would be officially located. There was an digital high speed access line number 648509 that I could dial into. I was sharing the number with a few colleagues and there was some confusion: was it 6648509 or 648509?

Before that I dreamt my friend Wayne. He was having some friends over at his house. When I got there, I couldn’t find him. I assumed he was busy preparing so I mingled with the other guests. We found each other eventually, and he asked why I didn’t look around for him? His boyfriend was a psychic and gave a reading to one of the guests who I’d been chatting with. They went off to another part of the house for some privacy while Wayne and I chatted. I wanted to have a reading also, so I was waiting nearby. I was a little while before they were finished. And then it was my turn. I went into the little area and sat on a chair opposite to Wayne’s boyfriend. He told that there was something that I’d written that could make money for me. I thought to a little pamphlet on interior design that I had, but that belonged to someone else. I didn’t create it. So I decided that I couldn’t use it. During the reading Wayne came in. He just stood there looking at us.

Snatches of dreams (1): I was standing in a field with Paul and Errol. We were waiting in haphazard lines to get inside a dance club. Paul decided to be adventurous and jump the line. The owner/bouncer came up to us and tried to make sense of our lines. He just started accepting money from random people and let them in.

Snatches of dreams (2): I was standing outside a monument that looked like the Taj Mahal. I went in and Richard L. jumped down from a wall he was sitting on to walk with me. He wanted to show me around the monument, or meet someone somewhere, or something like that. Behind the monument there was a a sheer rock face with red iron steps built onto the rock face. I hoped were weren't try to climb that.

I was at St Mark’s preparing to play for a service. I was guest organist for that weekend. I was talking about the music with the Junior Choir none of whom I recognized. I asked them if they knew where the scores were kept. They didn’t know. They said that the regular organist never used music scores. The time for Mass was approaching so I started vesting. I put on a red cassock and went outside. The scene changed to the grounds of the Nazarene church from my childhood. There was a long elevated walkway that went from one side of the grounds to the other. Covering the outside of the house were large portraits of the church members. Some of them had the eyes covered with orange circles – I knew that those people had died. I didn’t recognize the faces in the photographs, but I knew who some of them were somehow, mostly the dead ones. I walked the length of the elevated walkway to the other side of the grounds under the mango trees where some others were also vesting for the service. I stayed there for a while and then went back inside to try again to find the music. I knocked on the door of Father Sam’s office – through a crack in the wooden door I could see that he was in – on the phone I think. He seemed to not want to be disturbed but recognized me, opened the door, and welcomed me in. I asked him about the music and he also didn’t know where it was kept. The Mass was about to start, and I was getting really anxious. He explained that, it being the fifth Sunday of the month, we were doing Morning Prayer instead of the Rite of Penitence. He said that we did the Te Deum and some canticle for the Dead which I’d never heard of, but that everyone, including the regular organist, knew it from memory. He started looking around his office, and came upon a box of wine bottles – some empty, some unopened. He asked me to hold one of the unopened ones, and I said, ‘Well thank you,’ but the look on his face told me that he didn’t mean for me to have it. I left his office. In the corridor there were children running and making a lot of noise. I thought to myself that Father Sam is going to yell at them if they don’t stop. I went back to the Junior Choir Room to look for the scores. I’d thought I’d glimpsed the music for the Gloria in one of the drawers. I’m now frantically opening and closing drawers looking for the music, and I hear the organ being played. I assume that it’s someone they’ve asked to play some prelude music and continue looking. Then I hear the organ being played much louder, and I hear the congregation singing. They started without me.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dream: March 23

I'm at the office. We're preparing for a party. Michelle P. makes an announcement about the party that is met with cheers and applause. I'm at my desk taking care of my plant. It needs repotting. As I'm emptying the dirt from the pot I discover another plant under the
first one that is just about dead. It throw it out and begin to put new soil into the pot. I don't have enough so I get the bag of soil from under my desk and top up the pot. The pot is too deep for the plant and I need a lot of soil to fill it up. As I'm doing this, Will
G. whose desk is kinda near mine starts playing Christian music. The volume is turned up quite high, and I'm getting annoyed. The party is starting at the other end of the office,and I walk over. Everyone's getting juice. We start making a fresh batch of lime juice. Michelle
goes out to the caterer to get the food. After a while I walk over to the other end of the office where there's a competition for prizes - pick a number and get the corresponding prize. A girl ahead of picks a number, and, from a red and white striped gift wrapped package wins a $200 gift certificate. I'm next. I pick the number 6 and get a brown paper bag which, when opened, reveals a red whistle. I am somewhat disappointed.

Dream: March 22

Well, I kept my promise to myself and wrote my dreams down last night - all three of them.

During the first one, I wasn't sure that I was actually asleep, so I didn't make any attempt to remember it. The only detail I have from that one is: I'm riding a bicycle with William C. Ah well.

The second one: I'm sitting on the edge of a bed with green sheets talking to a man laying on the bed. A third person's name in mentioned in the conversation whose name is Elliott (?), who is recently dead - he was shot and killed - and, in the dream, I think that it is my fault. If I hadn't been where I'd been, Elliott would have not walked where he walked, and would not have been shot. As his name is mentioned I say something like, 'Please don't mention that!' or 'Don't talk about that!' and I burst into tears. Elliott was the other man's (who's laying on the bed, with whom I'm having this conversation) lover, and I feel terribly for having cause his death. I am crying uncontrollably. The other man is reassuring me, telling me that it's not my fault. He's trying to get me to eat some food, but I seem to want to cry more than eat. He offers me a organic grape soda and some stew. We start talking about chemotherapy - Elliott was supposed to have had treatment, and the other man had felt good about it because I'd had a good experience with the treatment. I sip some of the soda, and something else that looks like tea - it's warm.

The third one: I'm standing outside in a carpark standing near a station wagon. I'm either sitting in the car, or am very short - a child's height. There's someone, a woman, leaning over the top of the car. She's so tall that she can bend over the top of the car and reach
the other side. She's talking to another woman standing on the opposite side of the car with her four children. The two women are introducing themselves to each, so they've just met. Woman B's name is Marilyn or Marion. She introduces her four children (I think all girls). Woman A reaches over the car. She's still standing on the opposite side of the car. She reaches over the car and hugs each of the four children in turn from (my) left to right, youngest to eldest.
The scene changes. The four children are playing with dolls. One of them has changed to a boy who's also playing with the dolls and the other children, but it's perfectly normal for him to be doing that - he's playing a father/big brother role.

And there they are!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

It's tricky to write about the manifestation process: how to make things that we want appear in our lives. Most people don't really believe that it's even possible, and that any time spent even thinking about it is time wasted. The point is well taken. We're used to thinking objectively about life: if I do this, then that will happen. Our creative focus is outside of ourselves; we make things happen by doing something. If we really think about, though, that way of thinking isn't always true. Consider two people applying for two different jobs. If they're both qualified, and they both present themselves well at the interview, then they should both get their respective jobs, right? Well, no, not really. Again, consider two children growing up in the same household with the same parents. Shouldn't they grow up to have similar values? Again, we know that the answer to that question is no. Why is it then that two people in basically the same situation experience different results? Therein lies the beginning of an answer.